B-gock!

I cooked a chicken!  A whole one!  It was my first time!  I forgot to take any pictures, but that's probably for the best, because to be honest... it's kind of a disgusting process.  It tasted great, but I definitely considered becoming a vegetarian more than once throughout the course of my afternoon.

Things got off to a rough start, when I realized my defrosted chicken was not actually defrosted.  I sent it to the lukewarm water spa for an hour or so, which seemed to help.  I opened up the chicken to remove the little package of gross things, only to find it was still frozen and wouldn't come out!  And not only that, but the package was PAPER, so it ripped open and oooooh it was not a comfortable 10 minutes of surgery.  (Who puts a paper package in a typically moist location??)  Eventually I got it all out and into the garbage, put the chicken on it's rack, and washed my hands 17 times.

I pureed a bunch of fresh thyme, sage, and parsley with some salt and pepper, butter, and a bit of olive oil, and rubbed it all over the chicken, inside and out.  Strangely, it turned the skin yellow... like fake tanner. (Spa, tanning session, maybe the I wasn't being so cruel to the chicken after all...)  I had half a tomato leftover from lunch, so I put that inside the chicken, along with a quartered onion.  Placed about a half cup of water in the bottom of the pan, and covered the roast with foil.  Into the oven, 350, for about 90 minutes (this chick was a little under 6 pounds).  Then I bleached everything in the kitchen.  Not really, but I wanted to.  I tried to be reasonable, and only bleached areas the chicken had been.  And washed my hands 16 more times.

I removed the foil for the last 10 minutes, and then put it back on for about 20 minutes after the chicken came out of the oven.  The smell was woooonderful, and I couldn't keep my hands off for long... I needed to know how it tasted!  Lucky for me, it was delicious!  I went right to work making little piles of white, dark, and soup meat, but a good portion of it went straight into my mouth.  I hadn't realized how slimey (the spell check wants me to say smiley, but it doesn't feel appropriate considering the carnage) I would get!!   I think the slime helped combat the compulsive hand washing, because the skin on my hands is feeling a little softer than usual today, haha.  (Gross!)

I tried to use as much of the leftovers as I could... I made gravy and broth too!  The gravy had the flavor of the roasted herbs too, really nice.   I couldn't think of anything to do with the skin though, it was way too disgusting (I've heard you should use tit to make the broth taste better, but ewwwww slime).  The whole process was pretty gross, it was tasty (served with steamed broccoli and experimental sour cream & parsley mashed potatoes), but once again thoughts of vegetarianism are swirling through my head... I don't see too many whole chickens in my future... for now I think I'll just stick to my former approach to cooking, mainly cooking things that are not recognizable as body parts!  And maybe I'll start growing some of these chickens, I know my mom would be very, very happy:

Peeps!

PS - Have any of you ever microwaved a peep?  I'm a goody two shoes and therefore haven't tried it, but I've thought about it...  maybe that should be my preferred method of "growing" peeps?

Easy and delicious cuban food!

I love cooking, but I never have enough time.  Which is why I love my crock-pot so much.  Husband loves my crock-pot too, because I use it to make him ropa vieja*!  I know I've probably mentioned this before, because it's so easy and I make it fairly often, but I don't think husband will ever get sick of it, so I'm ok with that.  I made it Monday and he's having it for dinner tonight, 4th night in a row, haha.  Here's how easy it is!  The list looks long, but it's just faking you out.  Plus, it will last a while.    You could also freeze it, but we always eat it all.

Ingredients

• Flank Steak
• 1 can of diced tomatoes
• 1 can of tomato sauce
• 1 can of tomato paste
• Red Bell pepper, sliced
• Clove or two of garlic, minced
• Large onion, sliced
• Bay Leaf
• Cumin (tablespoon?)
• Oregano (teaspoon?)
• Salt and Pepper
• Wine, Cooking wine, or white vinegar - 1/4 cup(ish)

Directions

• Place garlic, onions, and peppers in bottom of crock-pot.
• Place flank steak on top of the veggies.  Sometimes I sear in the juices first, sometimes I don't.  I haven't noticed too much of a difference.  If you don't sear and it has any visible fatty portions, you should probably remove them.
• Add tomato paste, oregano, cumin, and bay leaf.
• Pour in the tomatoes, sauce and vinegar or wine.
• Cook for 4 hours on high, or 8 on low.   Longer is not a problem.  
• Pull out steak and place on a large plate.  Cut in half or thirds, against the grain (to make strips shorter when shredded).
• Using two forks, pull in opposite directions with the grain, and the steak should shred very easily.
• Mix shredded steak back in with tomatoey goop in crock pot.
• Salt and Pepper to taste (authentic would be lots of salt, but not so healthy), and serve over rice!  (or mashed plantains, or potatoes, or in a burrito, though cuban husband would be mortified by the potato and burrito suggestions) We usually have with rice, cuban black beans**, and sliced avocado.  Sour cream also goes nicely... as do scallions)

To make it more veggie heavy, you can add a bunch of shredded or diced carrots, and the flavor won't change much.  I've also heard apples work, though I haven't tried it.  You could also up the amount of peppers and onions, or use only half a flank steak (but don't tell my husband!).


*Husband would freak out if I served it as shown in this Wikipedia image.  Yellow rice and black beans can't be served together!  Silly Cuban food rules.  Or maybe I got the rules mixed up?  Husband?  Care to clarify?
 
** You can buy Cuban black bean soup in a can, but I make husband make the beans!  Recipe to come if I ever try my own hand at them...

Amazing!

Remember when husband's phone decided not to come back inside after all that shoveling?  Well after last week's thaw, our snow mountains shrunk into snow sand castles... and husband found his phone!  It had been soaking up some rays, so it was looking nice and steamy after that slow soak in the melting snow.  I'd heard that if you take a phone apart and put it in a bowl of rice, it helps draw out the moisture... so we tried it. 24 hours later we put it back together and plugged it in... AND IT WORKS!  I kid you not.  Best cheap phone EVER!

I made these ricotta cookies to celebrate (also, they're Italian... and we're going to Italy!). They are delicious!  I had one for breakfast.  Now it's snowing again... maybe we'll play hide and seek with another phone?

Kale Fail

I've been hearing a lot lately about kale chips.  Everyone says they're awesome and that they're just like potato chips... so I couldn't wait to try them.  A crunchy, delicious way to eat kale?  I was doubtful, but figured it was certainly worth a shot.  Kale is one of those foods that I want to like, I just can't seem to get there.  Smitten Kitchen feels the same way!

Unfortunately, my kale chips are super gross.   They did nothing for me except make my house smell like broccoli while they baked.  And then they still tasted like kale... with a slightly "burning" undertone.  Did I do something wrong?  Do any of you out there like kale and recommend a way of eating it?

Eatily!

I was supposed to go to Eatily today for dinner with a friend.  I haven't been yet, I can't wait to go!  But things came up, and we changed our plans to lunch at Le Pain Quotidien.  I had some delicious vegetable quiche that claimed to have less than 400 calories (I don't believe it!) and tasted some bread spread with ricotta, figs, and honey.  MMMM!!!  I'm sad that i didn't get to check out the smorgasboard that is Eatily, but that's ok, because WE BOOKED A TRIP TO ITALY TODAY!!  (The real thing, not the restaurant!)  GIVE ME ITALY TIPS!!  What do I HAVE to see?  What do I HAVE to eat?

I'm so excited!!!  We're not going until May, but that gives us pleeeenty of time to plan!  I've never been, so I'll pretty much be happy with whatever we see, though we have a history of action packed travel agendas.  We'll see!

To celebrate (and to mourn the train home that I missed by 1 minute), I enjoyed a take-out frozen margarita on the train ride home, yippee!

I'm a cheetah

What is it about unhealthy orange foods that makes them so satisfying?
Healthy orange foods can't claim the same. 
A satisfying carrot?  Who ever heard of such a thing!
Cheetos are shaped like baby carrots... and much more delicious.
(By the way, there are some very scary recipes on that cheetos website)

Mmmm

2nd breakfast.  Mmmm.  Actually It's 11:30... so is this elevensees?

Did you know that second breakfast is a real thing? And so is elevenses*!  Who knew!! They're not just eaten by hobbits!

* According to Wikipedia, elevensees used to equal a late morning whiskey break in the US... let's bring that back!!!  It would really help me ease through that 11-12:30 stretch of stomach growling...and i'm sure it would greatly improve my mood! (though maybe not my productivity...)

I'm not a mushroom! Hooray!

I got a haircut!  I had been rocking an 18 month old uber-short Rihanna haircut, which was looking pretty strange, now shoulder length. I'm trying to grow it long again, but needed something to make it look a little more normal (also, I was bored).  I decided I wanted layers... because why not?  But I was terrified I'd look like a mushroom!  Luckily, I got this great haircut, and I don't look like a mushroom! (Hmmm... now I want mushrooms, maybe I'll cook some for dinner...Hey, did you know about these?  I'm thinking about trying one!).  Here's how my hair looks right now, since I haven't washed out the nice blow-dry the hairdresser gave me: 

Question:  Do I have a mullet?  Guess it doesn't matter as long as it looks good, right?

But, it won't look good for long.  As soon as I wash my hair, it will most likely look like this everyday:

My hair likes to all point the same direction, like I'm walking around in my own little bubble with an imaginary breeze.  I also have a history of developing wings out of any bang layer (maybe to stay aloft on the imaginary breeze?) so this could get interesting.

Free Food!

Have you ever noticed that if there's free food, you HAVE to have some?  (Or is that just me?)

For instance:  I just went out and bought a giant vegetable udon soup* for lunch.  It's still too hot to eat, so I've only nibbled so far.  I'm about to dive in, when word comes around that there are extra platters of sandwiches, salads, and cookies in the kitchen (from a meeting).  I resist the mad stampede to the kitchen (thereby missing out on all the free dessert), but even though I have lunch ready... I CAN'T RESIST THE CALL OF FREE FOOD!!  So now, in addition to my udon soup, I'm having pickles, coleslaw, and olives (since obviously the salt in my soup wasn't enough).  Not so sure this goes together, but that has never stopped me before!

*I think maybe the soup guy liked my  new hair cut**, he gave me 5 times the normal amount of these kinda gross fish cakes in my soup (I used to think they were hard boiled eggs mysteriously missing the yolk and died pink).

**How do you know if you have a mullet?

Change of Season... and Furniture?

I just found a pumpkin!
I bought it months ago and used it as a decoration... but now I'm going to cook it!

Be warned if you Google images for "funny pumpkin" that there are some surprisingly disturbing results!

However, that's how I discovered the existence of pumpkin armchairs...
which led me to a link for this wonderful love child of an armchair and a Snuggie**

courtesy of http://dreamfunhouse.com

**image results for which open up a whole other world of fun

Tinkle Tinkle little star...

I recently discovered the "stats" tab, which shows some statistics regarding web traffic visiting my blog... and I thought I'd share a graphic showing some of the things people have searched for to stumble upon my site:

Source:  Blogger Stats

My particular favorite, [pregnant "hold it" "i peed my pants"] really baffles me.  Have I given the impression that I'm pregnant and have recently peed my pants?  Because it's not true!!  I'm not pregnant (though I eat like I am) and I haven't been peeing my pants!!  Also, I'd like to point out that the tally says my blog was visited as a result of said keyword search MORE THAN ONCE!?! For the record, I tried this search myself... and Google did not find my blog.  But perhaps after this post it will! haha

Super Bowl

Some people might think the Super Bowl is named for the king of football games, sometimes referred to as "bowls".  But I have another theory.  It's called the Super BOWL because on Super Bowl Sunday, you eat lots of foods that are served in BOWLs.  Dips, Chips (baskets are giant bowls), Chili, even chicken wings come with a side of blue cheese in a little bowl.  Lots and lots of bowls = Super Bowl Sunday.


For our Super Bowl food, we had guacamole, hummus, a failed attempt at baba ghanoush, a failed attempt at jalapeno poppers (ok, so these don't come in a bowl), and chili.  (All for just 2 people, yikes, I think I may be right back where I started last week!)

Cookie Surprise!

Yaaay weekend!

I'm still experimenting with meringue cookies... today was a flop!  

I'm not sure what I did wrong, but they wouldn't whip.  At all.  

So I dumped the mess into a pan, added chocolate chips, and cooked it!  Here's what happened...

I opened the oven and thought: Sweet!  Giant chocolate chip cookie!  Let's get that out of the pan and eat it!

Oh shoot!  I broke it!

It's hollow!  And somehow, delicious!  

The outside is crispy and light, and the layer under the air is like marshmallow!

To make your own hollow cookie, pour flopped meringue in pan on top of parchment paper
bake at 250 for 1 hour, turn off oven, and leave pan in, undisturbed, for a few hours, until oven is cooled off.

So I guess I'm a binge eater?

Yaaaaaaaay Friday!

It's been a long week.  I knew early on that it was going to drag on, so I delved into the cookies headfirst.  Tuesday morning I was particularly desperate as I channel surfed the uncertain weather forecasts, which kept growing in disappointment level (if you're going to forecast a ginormous storm, there had better be more than light freezing rain to show for it!).  As I grew more and more desperate for fulfillment, I ate vast quantities of bread and butter, cookies, and cake.  By noon I felt terrible about what I'd eaten, so I tried to find out how many calories I'd consumed... mostly out of curiosity.  So I downloaded the Lose It! App, and guestimated what I'd eaten...


HOLY COW!

 I ate approximately 2,000 calories on Tuesday morning... BEFORE lunch!!!!!  WOOPS!

So obviously I've been trying to be good since then... (part of why the days seem to drag on forever...) and I've already lost 4 pounds!  Probably just the 4 pounds of cookies I ate on Tuesday morning... hahaha.  Shoot.

Chocolate!

Maaaan oh man do I love chocolate.

Especially dark chocolate.  On it's own it's wonderful... but it's even better if it's got just the right amount of a special flavor... orange, mint, ginger... you name it, I probably love it.  Even slightly spicy... like mexican hot chocolate... If you've never tried it, you should! I've even tried (and liked) bacon flavored chocolate! (though the toffee is better)

My coworker suprised me the other day with a couple of these:

Li-Lac's Glacé Ginger
"Candied ginger coated in dark chocolate. A spicy and delicious treat."

They're AMAZING.  The ginger inside of them is cooked and candied, so the stringy and bitter aspect of the ginger is gone, and only the burny deliciousness remains... soft and encased in dark chocolate.  Now that I've tasted it, I'm going to want more!  I think I'll try this kind next; I've seen it in stores so it will be much easier for me to get my hands on:

Chocolove Crystallized Ginger in Dark Chocolate Bar
"65% Rich Dark chocolate gives way to moist chunks of crystallized ginger. Surprisingly stimulating."

And while googling, I even found recipes to make candied ginger myself!  Which I can then cover it in chocolate!  I'm putting that on my list of things to make sooner rather than later, fo sho.

Ice, Ice Baby (dun dun dun du-du dun dun *dink*)

Mmm, hot tea and toasted oatmeal bread. 

If I close my eyes, I can pretend it's warm...  

On the other hand... if I open them... there's much to see!

Look! While we were sleeping we got bubble glass installed!

And we lucked into that view of a pond we always wanted!

This was such a nice tree, we thought we'd preserve it.

Here it is from another angle, doesn't it look nice encased in glass?

These bushes weren't looking so great, so we got them sparkled up.

Unfortunately, they're not doing so well with the extra weight of the crystal...

And one more, just for fun.

Oatmeal... Bread?

I've been baking a lot of bread lately, now that I have a handy dandy mixer to cut down on the mess.  I've been keeping my eyes open for new kinds to try... and I came across a few recipes for oatmeal bread.  What the heck is oatmeal bread?  I don't know!  So I decided to try it!  It seems there are many different ways to make oatmeal bread, so I modified the easiest recipe I came across to suit my pantry.  It's not usually safe to experiment with baking, but I'm doing it anyway!  It turned out to be delicious, though possibly tooo moist? Doesn't even need a spread, tasty and moist all by itself!  Yum!  Also, I'm really excited, because I've come close to solving the mystery of the delicious but "what the heck kind of bread is this" bread from Tir Na Nog!

Quick (no yeast!) and Easy Oatmeal Bread 

Makes 12 servings.  Per serving:  149 Cal, 2.3 g fat, 27.6 g carb, 1.4 g fiber, and 4.2 g protein.

(click link below for recipe)