I am so excited to move on with my life.
I have felt much better since my colon came out, but I've felt like I'm stuck in limbo. I'm not sick, but I've always had future surgeries and recoveries looming over me... It made it hard to move on. I feel like once I fully recover from this 3rd surgery, if all goes well, I can move on from "being sick". I will never be normal, and sometimes I struggle with that, but hopefully I can be normal enough to stop thinking of myself as sick.
New normal.
Back to being stressed about my kids and my job and my miles long to-do list and regular normal-people things. Leaving my house without being stressed. Rolling on the floor with my kids without worrying about hurting my stoma. Traveling.
AND I'M ALMOST THERE!!
I had my final surgery on December 1st. The surgery itself went very well (after being tortuously delayed until 4PM!), and my intestines didn't shut down! Hooray! I came home after just a few days (terrified) but everything was working!
My first couple of weeks home were hell though. Some people adjust quickly to using the toilet again, and others don't. I had so, so, so much pain. And so much frequency. It was almost as bad as some of my worst colitis memories - I cried and cried and wondered if I'd made a terrible mistake. Gas bubbles caused pain worse than labor contractions, I couldn't breathe or move a muscle until they subsided. I was running to the bathroom so often that I couldn't sleep. I couldn't heal. I remember begging my doctor to tell me how many days until the turning point, when it might get better... and he couldn't tell me anything other than the fact that I seemed to be having a harder time than most people. Day number 10 was the worst, for the record.
And then... we all had the stomach bug. Vomiting + diarrhea + newly adjusting digestive tract = back in the hospital. Three bags of fluid later I was feeling much better, but STILL dehydrated. I came home and slept for 12 hours straight! I have 2 small kids. I haven't slept more than about 6 hours straight in the past 5 years - it was amazing. And I think the stomach bug was actually a blessing in disguise - allowing my empty digestive system to rest... I started improving quickly right after that!
I started attempting short errands outside the house a day or two before Christmas, and for Christmas itself I took a few Imodium and survived an hour in the car to spend Christmas at my parent's house, feeling relatively normal! Two or three weeks later and I was back to working and even ventured into the city for a short day in the office.
In early February I started occasionally lifting my 2.5 year old for brief moments here and there... helping him get onto a chair, lifting him when he tripped, etc. By the end of February I can carry him around for a few minutes at a time! I am almost myself again with very minor limitations!
- I'm still gluten free, and experimenting with dairy free (both by choice because it makes me feel better). I need to be careful of foods that could cause blockages, but the doctor says I can eat or drink anything I want to.
- I still get dehydrated terrifyingly quickly - I can go from feeling fine to weak and dizzy and extremely fatigued in the course of an hour if I haven't been watching my water intake. It's still pretty dangerous for me to get a stomach bug of any kind, but hopefully over the next few years my intestines will learn to adapt a bit and rapid dehydration will be less severe. But it wouldn't be surprising if I need to make a few trips to the ER for fluid replacement over the next couple of years... so I'm a little nervous about traveling internationally just yet.
- My hormones are a little wacky, whether from the fluctuations in my diet or from stress of surgeries, I'm not sure yet. It is definitely impacting my digestive tract, so hopefully things will level out soon. If not, I may go back to seeing a GI or specialist to help understand the connection there, since hormones always played a very obvious role in my colitis and the problem has not gone away (though it has certainly been improved).
- My stomach muscles haven't recovered 100% and might always be a little wonky, but I'm getting pretty close to normal mom levels of super-strength.
I had a follow up with my surgeon yesterday and you know what? He doesn't want to see me for another year. A YEAR. That took a while to sink in.
I'M NOT SICK ANYMORE.
I'm moving on, and loving it.
