I'm hungry! I'm not sure what i want to eat... all i know is that i want to eat! I'd like to share something I wrote a year ago, because it's still so true.

I have an addiction.

You might be sniggering, but this is no laughing matter. Well, I often giggle about it... but not right now.

Right now I feel guilty, like I'm having an affair. I haven't even overeaten today (yet)! Still, i can't stop thinking about food. When's it going to return my calls? Might we arrange a lunch date? There's a grocery store down the street, nobody would see us... I tell my self "It's ok, I've got protection..." Unfortunately Lactaid doesn't keep the fat from sticking.

The daydreams... What's for dinner? The possibilities are endless...

The memories... I bought fresh bread from the bakery, it's sitting on the counter looking pretty... it was delicious covered in butter (okay, it was lite butter) , the peanut butter was good too... and the jelly... should I make grilled cheese for dinner?

The return of the guilt... I should try to eat something healthier. There's an old low fat english muffin sitting next the the beautiful loaf of fresh bread, i could substitute that, add some fat-free styrofoam cheese and a "fried" egg, save many calories and compromise the flavor... And while it cooks I'll sneak seventeen slices of the seductive fresh loaf and pretend that I didn't. It will be so delicious! And I'll feel so guilty...

But this affair isn't easy to hide, the evidence is everywhere! There are the crumbs on the counter... the chocolate on my breath... the wrappers in the garbage... the dishes... the pants that don't fit...

Last night I realized we had no cookies in the house. I asked my husband if he could turn into a giant chocolate chip cookie for me (I was only half kidding). He said no, he didn't want other girls taking bites out of him as we walked down the street (have you seen that chocolate commercial?). What man doesn't want girls chasing after him with love bites? Do I deserve such a loyal man when I'm in the middle of a raging affair with cookies? chocolate? bread? cheese? It's not even an affair, it's an orgy!

I'm trying so hard to get my eating (and food-thinking) under control, but how do you control something that's this embedded in your head, your heart, and your social activities?

Anyone want to go out for wine and cheese?

Unfortunately, though it's been a year, I've made no progress. I've had my ups and downs, but I'm right back where I started. Hopefully 2nd (or is this 3rd?) times the charm!