Crafty Weekend!

We're finally starting to feel like we have our act together again!  Hooray!  Not only did we manage to have a successful family outing to the grocery store AND home depot with minimal crying, but we made headway on several projects and even some yard maintenance.  Who knew we had it in us? haha.

Our house is a constant organizational challenge - organization is not my strong suit.  I'm one of those people with piles of stuff everywhere.  I know where things are in the piles (as long as no one else moves them), but I just can't seem to get rid of them.  I keep trying though!  Add 2 kids, a husband, and a mother-in-law to the mix and we have stuff EVERYWHERE.

Lately I've been trying to tackle the toys.  They're all over the place!  I tried getting rid of a few... but I barely made a dent.  I've tried rearranging to see if they take up less usable space if I put this giant thing over there and this pile here... but it hasn't helped much.  One of the biggest obsticles is a giant cardboard box that has been one of my little girls favorite toys for over a year now.  When I saw this idea for a collapsible cardboard playhouse on Pinterest, I had to try it!  My triceps are a little sore from pulling and ripping off all that duct tape, but success!  I made a few alterations since my box was bigger than the one in the tutorial, and our playhouse has front doors :)

I also managed to make serious headway on this clever idea for making a bean bag type chair stuffed with stuffed animals, and was able to finish it up during naptime yesterday.  There is a detailed tutorial by GoogieMomma for the S.A.C. (Stuffed Animal Chair), and Sherri at Little Thread Riding Hood made up some printable patterns and added some extra tips.  I made the larger size from the printable pattern, though I didn't use batting so I made the lining a little shorter and added some stuffing like GoogieMomma had recommended.   I think it turned out pretty well, but when my mother-in-law saw it she laughed and said (in Spanish), "It looks like a giant pumpkin!"  Little girl liked it though, and a serious jumping/play session took place on it yesterday evening.

Here it is - the giant pumpkin

Ignore the disaster that is our playroom

My first semi-applique!

Surprise!  A zipper in the bottom lets you add or remove stuffed toys, as demonstrated by Peppa Pig. 

I was very proud of myself for completing this project for several reasons:

1. I finished!
2. I found a mistake in the instructions BEFORE I did it, so no mistake for me ☺ (when sewing on the inner lining shell, both the outer and inner shells should be inside out, so that when you turn it all right-side-out the wrong sides touch - the diagram shows the outer-shell-right side out but the inner shell in-side-out)
3. I figured out how to finish it with NO HAND SEWING, HOORAY!
4. I learned a few things, like an easier way to do a zipper than I'd been doing.
5. I did my first (sort of) applique (a little pentagon on top to make it look nicer).
6. I only jammed my machine once.
7. I used up a whole bunch of fabric that I'd bought for curtains but the husband didn't like.  Waste not!
8. I finally sewed in my new crafting space in the back entry foyer - which means I cleaned off enough of the random clutter we accumulate to actually use the table! 

Now the stuffed animals are corralled and there's a new place to lounge on the floor for my/with my children :)  Now if only I could get rid of some of the other clutter... Which is why I made my very first Craigslist posting yesterday!  Another reason I feel accomplished!

Up next: open shelves in the mudroom/craft room/entry way, and possibly a new bench?

peanut butter treats

One of the weirdest things about becoming accidentally skinny is that I have to add fat to my diet.  As in, I have to try hard to make sure I eat enough fat.  As in, a LOT of fat.

There are a lot of differing opinions out there about which fats are healthy.  We all do what works for us, and I currently use a lot of coconut oil, olive oil, ghee (basically clarified butter), and bacon fat (for flavor!).  I also try not to skim fat out of meat dishes... but sometimes I'm still to grossed out after being raised in 90's America, during the height of the fat-free fad.

But there are some things that everyone appreciates some delicious fats in - even fat-free dieters.
 
DESSERTS!

Things like chocolates... and peanut butter cups...

I may not be allowed to eat chocolate, but I've (carefully) hopped back on the peanut butter train!

I've adapted the coconut oil "frosting" idea into bite size frozen treats, yum!  Great as a high fat snack, or as a satisfying dessert - just a tiny taste can be quite satisfying!

Frozen bite-sized peanut butter treats
quantities are estimates...

• 1/2 cup room temperature coconut oil (not liquid!)
• 1 tbsp peanut butter
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 1/8 tsp cinnamon (optional)

1. mix all ingredients well
2. place in silicone molds or place blobs on a small plate or tray lined with foil or parchment
3. put in freezer for 30 minutes
4. pop out of molds or off of tray and put in a ziploc or tupperware.  Store in freezer.

I like to chew them one at a time - they remind me of the insides of a peanut butter cup.  But sometimes I let them melt in my mouth instead :)

Anise vs. Fennel

I added a new spice to my diet yesterday - hooray!

Technically I added 2 by accident.  So much for one at a time, but so far so good, and delicious!

The result?  Delicious meatballs!

Did you know that anise and fennel are NOT the same thing?  Anise seeds are small, and fennel seeds are bigger.  We do not eat the anise plant, we do eat the bulb of the fennel plant.  The flavors are similar, but not quite the same - I always thought I was imagining a difference until I read about it yesterday!  Anise is a little sweeter with an up front kick, while fennel seeds are a softer fuller flavor that isn't quite as in-yo-face.

I love italian sausage, and I've been dreaming about the day that my diet can accommodate a homemade sausage flavored dish.  For my first try, I set out to make up some meatballs.  I was originally aiming for an italian sausage flavor, but the result was quite different since I forgot to add a few crucial italian flavors.  But what a nice meatball I created!

I started by toasting up some anise seeds, and as I was looking at them I thought, boy, these don't smell like sausage to me.  And they look so tiny... so I looked through my spice drawer and found the jar labeled "fennel seeds", and low and behold they were bigger and looked more like the things I see in italian sausage.  So I added some of those to the pan too.  This recipe would absolutely be fine with just one of them, though I do think including so much anise seed made them a little bit sweeter than they would have been with just fennel seed.

Chicken, Garlic & Fennel Meatballs

• around a tsp of anise or fennel seeds or both
• 2 cloves of garlic
• salt and pepper (sorry, i didn't measure)
• 1/2 of a small zucchini, seeded
• around 1/2 cup of pureed butternut squash (or you could just use more zucchini)
• 1 pound of ground chicken
• around 1/4 cup of coconut or olive oil (I think I used olive)

1. Put the seeds in a pan for a couple of minutes, browning them up slightly.
2. Line a baking pan with foil or silpat.
3. Pulse the toasted seeds in a food processor or bullet type mixer until you have a powder.
4. Add everything except the chicken and chop well.
5. Place the chicken in a bowl, mix in your pureed flavors.
6. With wet hands, form 1" meatballs.  You may need to re-wet your hands several times to keep the mixture from sticking to your hands.
7. Bake at 325 for about 35 minutes.  I checked by inserting a toothpick to gauge the resistence, and then cutting in half with a knife to make sure they were cooked through.  (My oven runs hot, so they may require a slightly longer baking time.  I wouldn't recommend a higher temperature or they might dry out.)

These did NOT taste like italian sausage.  The garlic and anise flavors were very strong, but delicious.  The vegetables helped keep them moist, and I couldn't taste the chicken.  The kids LOVED them!  We basically ate them straight up, but they'd be great as a snack with dipping sauce or over pasta (I served with tortellini for the kids, but they both devoured the meatballs on their own first).

The hope and despair cycle

This condition I'm battling, ulcerative colitis, takes a big toll physically.  However, I think the mental impact of the disease is just as serious.  Chronic pain of any kind wears you down.  Many people are lucky and find a medication or routine that works for them.  But others, like me, have a long road to remission.

I alternate between being hopeful about the improvement each day might bring, and dreading the pain or worsening of my condition that I might see each day.  If yesterday was a bad day and I expect today to be a bad day, it's not too difficult to deal with today.  However, if yesterday was a good day and I was hopeful about things improving, a bad day today fills me with despair!  It feels like every time I get my hopes up about my body healing, my hopes are crushed only a day or two later as I spiral downward into pain and bleeding again.  And it just keeps happening, getting harder to deal with each time.  I've been sick long enough!

Many, many people with chronic conditions take anti-depressants to help them deal with the despair.  I've been trying very hard to manage these feelings without any additional medication, because I've already taken enough medication for a lifetime.  I did take prozac for a while after my first baby was born and it definitely helped me stabilize my emotions, but I'd rather not take it if I can help it.

So how do I currently handle bad days?

• I take a lot of deep breaths.
• I take one step at a time, one foot in front of the other.  Kids must get dressed, breakfast must be eaten, diapers need changing.  I have no choice but to plug along, and that really helps!
• I try hard to look at the big picture, most of the time I can say "this morning sucked, but it was better than last week!" (or last year, or that time i was in the hospital, whatever it takes)
• I keep a food journal, sometimes just writing down "Uuuugh!" makes me feel better
• I plan on having stomach problems.  This may be seen as pessimistic, but it helps me avoid disappointment.  I'm selective about social outings and I plan errands for times when my stomach is typically calmer.  Sometimes I feel like a hermit, but most of the time I feel "prepared" to handle set-backs and therefore less stressed.
• I let myself cry if I need to (but that's not very often anymore... dare I say I'm getting used to this crap?)
• I tell someone who cares that I'm having a bad day, with details if I need to.  I don't want to burden anyone with concern for me, but I've come to realize that some people (like family) will worry anyway.  So if telling them the truth about how I'm feeling helps take the edge off, then it's ok to do.
• If it's really bad, I curl up for a nap or a little book time when I can manage a moment (when I should be working or during naptime).  I figure if I've already lost X amount of time because I was in the bathroom, what's 15 more minutes if it will help my head?
• I try to think about good and happy things.  I like to make lists (as you can tell by my tendency to make bullet lists) or look at pictures of my happy smiling kids!

Today is a hopeful day... let's hope tomorrow is too!  Maybe someday I'll get to eat another cookie!

Sad face

Crampy belly all day, and now bleeding again. WTF!?!? I'm trying so hard, why am I getting sicker????? Waaaaah!!!

Day 131

Well, something is working.  Sometimes.  But what?

I started feeling much better in early April, dealing with CONSTIPATION for the first time in years and years!  Obviously not ideal, but what a welcome change!

Then things got wobbly for a few weeks...

...and now they MAY be improving again, or not.  Who knows.  I am so ready to be done dealing with UC, but unfortunately quitting isn't really an option.

I managed to get to my office in the city yesterday and have a very productive day, but not without it's troubles.  I had to run to the bathroom on the train, eeek!  Luckily I had the foresight to choose a seat in a car with a bathroom, it was unoccupied, and not too gross.  The rest of the day I was super nervous, but didn't have any more trouble.

My food options are starting to feel a little bit more normal... here's what I ate yesterday (I brought lunch to the city):

• breakfast: homemade turkey sausage patties with honey and cinnamon "syrup"
• 2nd breakfast: Smoothie (homemade coconut milk, coconut oil, banana, blueberries, OJ)
• elevensies: Bacon (cold)
• lunch: Grilled chicken, leftover garlic zucchini, olives, olive oil & vinegar (cold)
• snack: Baked apple with blueberries, coconut oil & vanilla
• extra snack: homemade fruit snacks (blueberry juice and gelatin)
• dinner: "creamed" chicken and pumpkin soup with spices (pureed)
• dessert 1: pumpkin pie (coconut milk, pumpkin, vanilla, spices, gelatin)
• dessert 2: frozen peanut butter and coconut oil bites

I was hoping to restart tapering prednisone this week, but since I'm feeling a little wobbly I held off.  I should be taking this opportunity to add new vegetables into my diet (up next: cucumber or mushrooms?), but I gave into cravings for peanut butter and added that back instead.  I'm sticking to small quantities since I know it can be an irritant for many people.

My body has been going through a lot of stress the past few weeks (visitors, return of the live in MIL, allergies, hormones still crazy, sick kids, work deadlines) and I'm hoping that's what caused the wobbly-ness and things will settle down soon.

Perspective is everything - even my bad days are better than where I was a few months ago!  Currently bad days are characterized by slightly increased frequency and bad cramps.  Good days are a few cramps and a few bathroom trips, sometimes not urgent.

I'm still hopeful that this new medication Entyvio is working and that I will see a lot of improvement after my next infusion in early May.  In the meantime, maybe my intestines are having a chance to heal because of my (hopefully) healthy food choices...  And hopefully i'll be able to lower my steroid use some more, currently on 10 mg of prednisone and using cortifoam twice/day.

In other news, my size 2 pants are falling off.  Who's thighs are these?