so much in my head!

I've gotten myself into trouble.

I started a blog because i really like how it makes me feel when i write, i'm just not very good at writing. I started writing about me and food, because it's one of the most important relationships in my life, and i'm 100% certain that I am not the only one that this applies to. And I started drawing pictures because it's fun.

I don't have time for fun anymore. What happened?

I still think about food, constantly.
I still think about how i would like to have fun, constantly.
I still try my best to have fun whenever i can, constantly.
I still fail at having fun and doing my best, constantly.
Or do i?
Maybe i am doing my best.
I certainly try hard enough...

Firstly... I've failed at being a blogger. That sounds silly to say.. "blogger" is such and ugly word. But that's how it is... I don't have time! I can't even succeed at defining myself as this ugly word! (maybe that's a blessing in diguise, haha). Not only that, but i've been trying not to think about food (since my pants don't fit...) but how can you write about food if you're trying your darndest not to think about it? Just writing this makes me hungry... imagine how hungry i get writing more interesting excerpts about food. Or imagine how many cookies i could have baked (let alone eaten) in the time it takes me to write this?

Unfortunatly, I don't feel like restraining myself from thinking and writing about food has made me any better at other aspects of my life. I still feel overwhelmed, ALL THE TIME!!! What happened to me that i feel unable to deal with the curve balls life decides to throw my way? As I said to my friend earlier today: Maybe i should consider myself successful given that i've made it this far and haven't yet had a mental breakdown? How do YOU define success? I'd like to know, maybe it will help me to put things in perspective!

PS - I had a wonderful evening with friends. I had fun, which is one of my goals. Having fun as reminded me how often i am dissatisfied with myself for worrying about things, when i could be letting them slip aside and focusing on the fun. But where's the fun in studying for a licensing exam? or trying to decide if you want to buy a house in this failing economy, when you might not have a job in 6 months? The fun is in the kitchen. No matter what's going on in the world around me, the fun is in the cookies... the wine and cheese... the seasonal berry cobblers. So why am i trying to distance myself from food? If i love food, i should embrace it! Not indulge in the traditional american sense of overeating, but indulge in the pleasure and appreciation!

I have baby tomatoes! Here's a picture of me watering my babies:
and here's what it would look like if i watered real babies:
Moral of the story (though incomplete): Appreciate what's there. As long as you're trying, there's no point in worrying about the rest! Love what you can, be happy anyway.

There, now I feel better!

PPS - now that i read back through, it seems as if i were imaginarily watering babies with the intent to harvest. This is not the case! The only baby product i'd consider harvesting would be baby giggles.

stick it to the man!

I just ate a bunch of oreos for breakfast because i'm mad at my dental insurance. Tooth decay and all that. (in hindsight, this will probably backfire on me, but it tasted good!)

Understand your policy before you go to the dentist! We have a new insurance this year, from husbands office. We found out the hard way that we're only covered for $1000 per year (that's roughly a cleaning and 2 metal fillings), and that even though they say we're covered for major work at 50% (up to the $1000 of course), we're pretty much not covered for anything, ever. They have this sneaky little "waiting period" set up so that you don't qualify for any major work (crowns, root canals, bridges, etc) until after you've been a member for a year*

*more specifically, until after EVERYONE IN YOUR OFFICE has been a member for a year! ie, when we switch to my company's dental in the fall (which there is no doubt we'll be doing) everyone in husband's office will have to restart their waiting periods! Isn't that absurd?!?! How do these insurance companies get away with these things!!???!!??

Rant complete.

Cookie's Revenge

I broke my tooth on a cookie. OOOooohh, the irony!!

I bit lovingly into a soft chocolate chip cookie, and suddenly i felt like i was eating a rock (not typically found in soft delicious chocolate chip cookies). A porcelain filling came out! and then, THEN, i bit down on the broken filling, and broke ANOTHER filling! And it's all the cookie's fault! Or maybe the dentist's. I think I'll blame the dentist. Grrrrr!!! Two holes in my mouth! And no cookies, because I'm afraid to eat! :(

Where the heck did June go?

Ok, so i've been a terrible blogger. But that doesn't mean i've been neglecting my cookies. Actually, I think I OD'd on cookies yesterday, i even woke up with a belly ache in the middle of the night that i fear may have been cookie induced. I love my country, I love my cookies.

I've been so busy! I don't even know what I've done in the past month of not blogging. Well i guess i do know if i stop to think about it... i've gained a few pounds. So, number one on the list of things i've done this month is eat.

Things I've done this month:
1. Eat
2. Work A LOT
3. Bake
4. Eat baked goods
5. Drive to Boston and back in one day
6. Throw a Bridal Shower (well, helped throw)
7. Host friends from Spain
8. Run around like crazy trying to make up for working instead of entertaining friends from Spain
9. Work some more
10. Totally failed to go to the gym or pool
11. Took friends kayaking on 4th of July (yay not in nyc!)
12. Missed 4th of July fireworks, disappointing visitors :(
13. Ate cookies
14. Slept roughly 20 of the first 28 hours after friends went back to Spain
15. Sweat. It's f*ing hot out!
16. Also, somewhere in there was father's day?
17. And a tree fell on my parents house
18. And my sister moved back to Boston and started her job! Yippee!

still to come: Friend's Bachelorette, Mom's surgery, and friend's wedding!

I'm out of time to make a picture. Maybe next time!

I grew 3 greenbeans!

My greenbean plants died. I'm not sure what happened, but they are no longer of this world. BUT, while pulling up the dead plants, i found 3 beans! They looked a little dried out and sketchy to me, but my sister's boyfriend rinsed one off and ate it! He declared it delicious. I'll take it! Gardening success! (hey, there's a way to spin everything, right?)

I had a wonderful weekend with my sister and her boyfriend visiting. We even went to the beach! It was great! (see right). Then my sunscreen exploded at dinner and i peed my pants with it. What can you do, that dress is ruined. So the next day we went shopping! Unfortunately not for a new sunscreen-free dress, but for my sister's new work clothes, because she got a job! Hooray Sissy!! She's moving back to Boston next week, where I hope she'll be very happy :)

Though my sister is spending her last week of freedom in my apartment, I am not. Horrible timing, but duty calls and I am in Charleston, West Virginia for the week. Fun, right? Actually, it might not be so bad, i get to drive around a lot (and i like driving), the weather is nice (so far) and everything is super lush and green and hilly, seems pleasant (since my allergies aren't bugging me yet, can't say the same for my coworker!). I might even get to set foot in Ohio tomorrow, my first time in WV and OH! Checking off those states one by one... I was almost in Virginia today! (At least i think it's in VA...) I spent 4 hours sitting in the DC airport, looking at the Washington Monument out the window, waiting for our tiny 2 propeller plane to show up. Luckily, i've been to both VA and DC before, so i don't have to have an inner battle about whether 4 hours in the airport counts as me being in VA. Phew!