My first surgery was scary because of the way it all happened, but I actually wasn't that scared because there was no choice in the matter, I was really sick, surgery was the only option, and it happened quickly.
This time around surgery is a choice... and with that comes doubts! I've made my choice, but I'm still scared.
- I'm scared that I'll suffer from pouchitis
- I'm scared of scar tissue and strictures and obstructions
- I'm scared of the pain of surgery itself and that I've forgotten how to deal with pain (with UC, pain was a daily occurrence and I think I built up a tolerance... what if I've become a wuss now that I'm healthier?
- I'm scared that my butt will hurt all the time
- I'm scared that I'll leak
- I'm scared that I'll still feel like I have colitis every time I menstruate
- I'm scared that sex will cause J-Pouch discomfort... possibly ruining intimacy for ever and ever.
- I'm scared that something will go wrong and my family will suffer me being sick again
- I'm scared about the fact that I'll never be "normal" again... even if everything is successful
- I'm scared that I'm being selfish for taking the time to go through with all of this when I have little kids at home
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