I started a blog because i really like how it makes me feel when i write, i'm just not very good at writing. I started writing about me and food, because it's one of the most important relationships in my life, and i'm 100% certain that I am not the only one that this applies to. And I started drawing pictures because it's fun.
I don't have time for fun anymore. What happened?
I still think about food, constantly.
I still think about how i would like to have fun, constantly.
I still try my best to have fun whenever i can, constantly.
I still fail at having fun and doing my best, constantly.
Or do i?
Maybe i am doing my best.
I certainly try hard enough...
Firstly... I've failed at being a blogger. That sounds silly to say.. "blogger" is such and ugly word. But that's how it is... I don't have time! I can't even succeed at defining myself as this ugly word! (maybe that's a blessing in diguise, haha). Not only that, but i've been trying not to think about food (since my pants don't fit...) but how can you write about food if you're trying your darndest not to think about it? Just writing this makes me hungry... imagine how hungry i get writing more interesting excerpts about food. Or imagine how many cookies i could have baked (let alone eaten) in the time it takes me to write this?
Unfortunatly, I don't feel like restraining myself from thinking and writing about food has made me any better at other aspects of my life. I still feel overwhelmed, ALL THE TIME!!! What happened to me that i feel unable to deal with the curve balls life decides to throw my way? As I said to my friend earlier today: Maybe i should consider myself successful given that i've made it this far and haven't yet had a mental breakdown? How do YOU define success? I'd like to know, maybe it will help me to put things in perspective!
PS - I had a wonderful evening with friends. I had fun, which is one of my goals. Having fun as reminded me how often i am dissatisfied with myself for worrying about things, when i could be letting them slip aside and focusing on the fun. But where's the fun in studying for a licensing exam? or trying to decide if you want to buy a house in this failing economy, when you might not have a job in 6 months? The fun is in the kitchen. No matter what's going on in the world around me, the fun is in the cookies... the wine and cheese... the seasonal berry cobblers. So why am i trying to distance myself from food? If i love food, i should embrace it! Not indulge in the traditional american sense of overeating, but indulge in the pleasure and appreciation!
I have baby tomatoes! Here's a picture of me watering my babies:
and here's what it would look like if i watered real babies:
Moral of the story (though incomplete): Appreciate what's there. As long as you're trying, there's no point in worrying about the rest! Love what you can, be happy anyway.There, now I feel better!
PPS - now that i read back through, it seems as if i were imaginarily watering babies with the intent to harvest. This is not the case! The only baby product i'd consider harvesting would be baby giggles.
